Forgiveness

I have hesitated talking about this topic for a few months now, with the disagreement of the world behind me.  For apparently Sin is rated on a scale of bad to worst, and only the bad ones are forgiven.

Some people don't practice forgiveness whatsoever. Others do but think that forgiveness is only acceptable for certain people and certain things.  The other certain people and things are left in a category of unforgivable. Even in the Christian world, There are a few "Unforgivable Sins." which makes this topic so controversy and hard to talk about.  But there is ONE here who has showed me otherwise, ONE who stands behind me and he is here with me now telling me to write this. So here we go.

Hate the SIN not the SINNER

This world wanders around far too much and far too long with anger and hate in their hearts. People and the things that people do are often looked at as "unforgivable"

Now I have struggled with forgiveness and let me be the first say,  to not forgive is an ugly thing. While we are busy holding this frustration against people we are doing real harm to ourselves. We become captives to hate, A murderous spirit.

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Most of my readers know my story, for those who don't here is a quick overview.

Ezra Rene'e My only child my beautiful baby girl. She lived to be 22 months. Her father in I separated in December of 2013. He had started seeing another woman (For the sake of this message we will call her Angela.) Now Angela had become close to our family, she had come in as the "step- mother" in a sort, taking care of Ezra. And becoming my friend, or so I thought.

August 22, 2014  11:47pm "Ezra's not breathing"

The message set to my phone.

I had a long drive to the hospital, three hours. In that time no one knew if she was okay or not. Was she alive? Severely injured? Dead? The longest most fearful drive of my life. I prayed, and I had prayed In a way I never had before. Somewhere about halfway through the drive to the hospital HE spoke.

HE said "She is gone, I have her, And I want you to forgive Angela now." In tears and with a silent gasp I mustered a very uneasy but trusting "Okay"

We finally got to the hospital where three hours after my arrival they gave us the news that would turn my world upside down forever.

"She didn’t make it"

Three months after her death Angela was arrested for murder in the 1st degree.

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Sparkle!

                                              

                                              August 26, 2014

There are a few things that have been hindering me at this point. Ezra's favorites.

I know her favorite song, and her favorite foods, but I will never know her favorite character, or her favorite color. This has been attacking my heart. Crying I share this with my mom, she smiled and said "Naomi you know who her favorite character is!"

….. Why yes I DO!

Rejoice!

August 27, 2014

Still dwelling on her favorites, what might be her favorite color? Purple has seem to be very significant the last few days, A single purple flower bloomed outside of my house. Lots of purple everywhere.  I started to wonder, Is this her color!?! Taking a shower I grab my purple scrubby I started to pray. I simply said "Lord if purple is Ezra's favorite color let me know." Minutes later I am dressed, I get into a box of old photos that had been long forgotten until now. The very first picture I see, right on top is Era sitting in the church on the day that I gave her to the Lord, and her shirt reads. "Sparkle is my favorite color"

Thank you LORD!

Rejoice!

Matthew 7:7 Ask and It will be given, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened. 

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Don't Loose Faith!

August 22nd 2014

"Ezra is not Breathing."

I drove home from the Tri-Cities praying harder than ever.

My only baby girl, at 22 months, could be dead, could be fighting for her life. I have no information at his time, no one knows anything, only that they found her not breathing.

"Her name is Ezra Renee Wilson and she lives!" I prayed over and over, the same prayer my father prayed over me in the womb when mom was having difficulties with me.

Those prayers were not answered, not in the way I would have liked them anyway.

I left the hospital later that morning I was sure that there could be no God. No God who loves me anyway. The most horrible pain someone could endure.

The murder of their only child.

I could only think "take me instead." I was undoubtedly going to take my life when I got home, as soon as everyone left. The darkest trench anyone could travel to.

I no longer had purpose, I no longer want purpose. 

I thought, if somehow I made it through this I would be trekking my way, dragging my feet through alleys of despair forever. 

In the midst of the most grim thoughts I heard a voice speak to me. "Naomi if you lose your faith you lose everything. Yourself, your peace, and your daughter."

I felt an uneasy sense of peace.

This is day one of my journey without my daughter, but in total faith of the Lord, Please check out my page to see further stories of what Faith can do!

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths!

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My Story

My Story

Part One: 

Ezra and Mommy

Where were you before Jesus found you?

My younger years were spent in a Christian home with a sturdy foundation built on love.  We had a diligent loving mother, and a fun stay at home dad. God in our lives, Prayers at the family dinner, and nachos and popcorn at our Friday night sleep outs. In later years that lovely home turned into a very alcoholic home. The turn of events in my life started with my mother.  She had started drinking and using narcotics. My siblings and I spent a few years in a broken home with a mother who was never really there, and parents who were often at the brink of divorce. She knew what she was doing to us and it was to hard for her to bear, in August of 2004 she had decided to take her life with a bullet to the head. By some miracle she still lives! At age 15 my parents divorced, I spent most of that time in Idaho with my father, and my siblings in Indiana with my mother. At that time My dad took his turn in the addiction and was heavily using drugs and alcohol. I was scared for his safety and mine. I had eventually moved into my neighbors house to get away from the fearful late nights of mothering a drunken father. November 6, 2006 on the way to school I stopped by his house to say goodbye and I had found him dead. I spent the next few years in a very troubled state.  In that season I went into depression. I had started drinking and spent a good about of time hooked on pills. I did a fair amount of self mutilation. I was lying and stealing. At sixteen-seventeen I moved into a drug house and dropped out of school. Broken, confused, angry, and lost I was on a road to nowhere fast!

Part Two:
Where did Jesus find you?

Baptism March 2009

I had started attending a youth group program at my local church. I was wanting to do right but not ready to leave the comfort of the drugs. Therefore I was going to church and doing "good" with God and on the other hand going home to get high and doing the Devil's work. January 16, 2009 I came into that youth group higher than a kite. We were playing some worship music, and Pastor found it appropriate to continue to worship through service. The whole group was at the alter with hands lifted high praising God with the help of Hillsong United's- Mighty to Save. Growing in the Christian home I knew who God was but I had yet experience him myself. On this night I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart. I was overcome by the Holy Spirit. He freed me from my addictions. I left that church not only sober but on fire for God!

Part Three:
Where are you now?

Now I am new and alive in Christ. I am going through the toughest battle of my life. But through God's great Grace I am not only making it through, but I am thriving! October 5th, 2012 I gave birth to my only child, my daughter Ezra Renee. What a blessing! In December of 2013 her father and I separated and went on the route of divorce. Just before the finalization of that divorce He started dating another woman. She had become a part of my daughter's life. Taking care of little Ezra on occasion and befriending myself. August 22nd, 2014 that woman took the life of my only precious baby girl. 
Now I find my self 8 months after her murder in and out of the court room with this woman trying to convict her of a crime she claims to have not committed. It has been a long haul, a struggle without doubt, but by the grace of God I am alright! And what I mean by alright is, when the world would think I should be in deep mourning, broken, battered, and bruised, My God has given my peace, comfort, and joy! He has not let me lay awake and night wondering what if, and why.  Instead he gives me rest in him! When the world calls me bereaved, he calls me a mother! 
At one court hearing I was struggling hard, listening to the details of what happened that night, I couldn't bear to handle it anymore. God spoke to me, He had told to not worry or fear because there is a far greater court going on right now, HIS court. And Ezra will get her justice in heaven where she belongs! 
Just after her passing while in deep mourning about to give up on this life, God called out to me and gave me a word.

Shes A Wildflower

"REJOICE! Ezra is right where Ezra belongs! She is happy, well taken care of, free, and waiting your homecoming. You on the other hand are also well taken care of, I am not done with you yet, you will make it through this and you will overcome! I love you best!" In my darkest hour he told me to rejoice and gave me light! And I have been rejoicing ever since.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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