Forgiveness

I have hesitated talking about this topic for a few months now, with the disagreement of the world behind me.  For apparently Sin is rated on a scale of bad to worst, and only the bad ones are forgiven.

Some people don't practice forgiveness whatsoever. Others do but think that forgiveness is only acceptable for certain people and certain things.  The other certain people and things are left in a category of unforgivable. Even in the Christian world, There are a few "Unforgivable Sins." which makes this topic so controversy and hard to talk about.  But there is ONE here who has showed me otherwise, ONE who stands behind me and he is here with me now telling me to write this. So here we go.

Hate the SIN not the SINNER

This world wanders around far too much and far too long with anger and hate in their hearts. People and the things that people do are often looked at as "unforgivable"

Now I have struggled with forgiveness and let me be the first say,  to not forgive is an ugly thing. While we are busy holding this frustration against people we are doing real harm to ourselves. We become captives to hate, A murderous spirit.

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Most of my readers know my story, for those who don't here is a quick overview.

Ezra Rene'e My only child my beautiful baby girl. She lived to be 22 months. Her father in I separated in December of 2013. He had started seeing another woman (For the sake of this message we will call her Angela.) Now Angela had become close to our family, she had come in as the "step- mother" in a sort, taking care of Ezra. And becoming my friend, or so I thought.

August 22, 2014  11:47pm "Ezra's not breathing"

The message set to my phone.

I had a long drive to the hospital, three hours. In that time no one knew if she was okay or not. Was she alive? Severely injured? Dead? The longest most fearful drive of my life. I prayed, and I had prayed In a way I never had before. Somewhere about halfway through the drive to the hospital HE spoke.

HE said "She is gone, I have her, And I want you to forgive Angela now." In tears and with a silent gasp I mustered a very uneasy but trusting "Okay"

We finally got to the hospital where three hours after my arrival they gave us the news that would turn my world upside down forever.

"She didn’t make it"

Three months after her death Angela was arrested for murder in the 1st degree.

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Mother's day. A time of grievance or a time of joy?

Mother's Day!

3 years ago I received the best mothers day gift of all, I found out that I would be having a little girl, Her name would be Ezra Rene'e Wilson. I would only get the joy to spend this day with her twice in her short life. And that makes this mother's day very hard.

All week I have had a glum feel surrounding me. I am nervous about what May 10th will hold in store for me this year. Agony? Heartbreak? Sorrow? Most certainly the inability to contain all of those tears. I have an on going timer in my head, counting down the days, the hours, the minutes, until that pain sets it.  One day until mother's day and my heart is shattered, my bones ache, and my muscles are tender. I woke up broken.

Mother's day, A day of celebration, A day of honor. For the ones who nurtured, cared, and loved us. A day for the mothers we have, the mothers we have become, the mothers to be, the grandmothers, and the women who stepped up to the plate when they didn't have to.

But what about the child without a mother? What about the mother without a child?

With the help of a friend I have learned, That this is your day too!

Maybe we can reverse the cycle and instead of suffering through Sunday May 10th, Maybe we can celebrate it! Why? Because today belongs to you! Yes you who is reading this right now! This is your day! For you had the most wonderful mother and she wants you to celebrate! For you who have lost a child, you are still mother and you deserve it! Tomorrow instead of lingering in the affliction I challenge you do something special. Let's spend this day rejoicing with our loved ones in spirit! They want that joy for you.

Tomorrow I will get out of bed, I will put on my Sundays best and make my way to church. After that I plan on going on a hike down at some water falls and will letting go of some balloons in memory of a daughter. I will celebrate the life we had together and I will celebrate the mother she made me become. 

I pray that all the other mommies and daughters who are out there dreading this day that God will give you comfort.

 

Father I ask for light to be led into their lives today,

That today they can find healing instead of mourning,

Speak peace into them,

Wrap them up in your cloak so close that they have no choice but to rejoice!

Thank you for always standing by our side even when it is to hard to see,

You are a GOOD father!

When the world calls me bereaved HE calls me a mother!... And in being a mother, tomorrow is my day to celebrate!

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